


Snakes and Mirrors: The Letters

by Paris and the Blue Jewel (Paris_Blue_Jewel)



Series: Letters to Harry [1]
Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-06-06
Updated: 2011-08-15
Packaged: 2017-10-20 05:14:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/209121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paris_Blue_Jewel/pseuds/Paris%20and%20the%20Blue%20Jewel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is not a joke. I really am your son from the future, at least in your perspective... It will all make sense eventually. Letters to Harry: 4/35.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Harry's Note: Book 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those Marauders-read-the-Harry-Potter-books stories, only much more unconventional (for reasons that will shortly become clear). Obviously, this will cause the Marauders to go a bit off the beaten path, so for this reason I'm warning for AU.
> 
> Any and all comments are appreciated. Thanks to Heather for the beta.

**Harry's Note: Book 1**

 _Dear Lily and James,_

 _I know you're probably very confused by the appearance of this book. Believe me, I never thought it would come to this, but there has been too much death and destruction. I had to do something._

 _This is not a joke. I really am your son from the future, at least in your perspective. You probably won't believe me at first, but please, just bear with me and keep reading. It will all make sense eventually._

 _The book you now hold in your hands – I've sent a copy to each of you – is an autobiographical account of my first year at Hogwarts and the trials I had to go through. Each of the six succeeding books will contain more of the puzzle. I tried to make it entertaining and readable. Hopefully you won't give up on me._

 _Your fate, and the fate of the wizarding world, depends on your cooperation._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Harry Potter_


	2. Letter 1: We Find Your Account Suspect

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We must, regrettably, inform you that your prank has failed. We are smarter than that. Letters to Harry: 1/35.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long to get to you. I've been dealing with moving, camp, and just general RL messiness. However, I've come up with a much better way of drafting these letters, so you should be seeing them more frequently now (I hope).
> 
> Comments are always welcomed. Thanks to Heather for the beta.

_Dearest “Harry,”_

We – that is, the Marauders: Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs – must confess ourselves astonished that you were able to remember these events, most of which occurred when you were not present. Those at which you _were_ present still occurred while you were little more than a year old. That kind of memory is an impressive feat; did you use a Pensieve or are you simply a genius?

Unfortunately, there are some portions of your account that we find suspect. Most egregious are the errors in characterization. Mister Moony has kindly pointed out that Professor McGonagall holds no love for dear James, while Hagrid likely doesn’t know of Lily’s existence. I, Mister Prongs, find it difficult to believe that Lily Evans could have such a horrible sister. Even harder to believe is the idea that Lily would consent to marry me – er, James.

Furthermore, as Mister Wormtail has reminded us, most babies are not possessed of the kind of magic required to defeat a dark wizard so horrendously powerful that no one dares speak his name. While Mister Moony holds that it is possible Voldemort might have lost his nerve when faced with murdering a toddler, we all agree that losing his power is a bit much.

Taking all of this into account, we must, regrettably, inform you that your prank has failed. We are smarter than that.

 _Sincerely,_

 _Mister Prongs_

 _Mister Moony_

 _Mister Wormtail_

 _Mister Padfoot_

P.S. Unless your prank was to convince Mister Padfoot that he ought to buy a Muggle motorcycle and enchant it to fly, in which case you have indeed succeeded. It took the rest of us ten minutes to calm him down enough to sign this letter.


	3. Letter 2: Snakes Do Not Wink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We, the Marauders, have decided to continue our reading of your curious book at the request of Mister Wormtail, who believes it will be amusing. Letters to Harry: 2/35.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to ImUpToNoGood for commenting.
> 
> Comments are loved! Thanks to Heather for the beta.

Dearest “Harry,”

We, the Marauders, have decided to continue our reading of your curious book at the request of Mister Wormtail, who believes it will be amusing. After reading the second chapter, the rest of us have concluded that Mister Wormtail has a point, as some of the events described are quite ludicrous (and therefore good entertainment).

Mister Moony holds that Muggles are not, as a rule, this cruel. However, as Mister Prongs pointed out, these particular Muggles know that Harry – you – are a wizard. That they are stupid enough to treat him poorly (it’s borderline abuse, actually, according to Moony) instead of groveling at his feet is their prerogative – or would be, if they were real.

This Dudley character is particularly interesting. Mister Prongs and I (Mister Padfoot) must inform you that even as members of wealthy pureblood families, we have never gotten, nor insisted upon, more than twenty presents, let alone thirty-seven. (That Dudley cannot do the basic maths required to add two to thirty-seven is a testament, we assume, to Muggle schooling.)

Concerning Harry’s accidental magic (sorry, _your_ magic), we must admit that it is indeed characteristic of Muggles that they should blame the wizard in the family for any odd happenings as though they were intentional. That he was able to Apparate accidentally is, according to Moony, a sign that the abuse was worse than you implied – or that you’re lying, one or the other.

Your story falls apart completely in the scene with the snake. First of all, Harry – you – could not possibly be a Parselmouth, as the ability is assumed to be genetic and James’s family does not have it. Furthermore, the snake’s behavior is not at all consistent with that of normal snakes. Snakes are not capable of winking, nor of conversing in gestures that would be readily understood by a human. On top of that, we doubt that they can identify a Parselmouth before he even speaks a word.

Concerning the wizards Harry keeps meeting in the street, we should also point out that most wizards know better than to Disapparate in a crowded Muggle area, as you seem to imply them doing at the end there.

Sincerely,

Mister Padfoot

Mister Prongs

Mister Moony

Mister Wormtail

P.S. I appreciate the reference to flying motorcycles. The others do not agree.


	4. Letter 3: An Influx of Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I must conclude that you are either understating your abuse or vastly exaggerating it. Letters to Harry: 3/35.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! Thanks to Heather for the beta.

Dear Harry,

My name is Mister Moony, and I have decided to humor you. In my letters, I will assume you are in fact Harry Potter from the future. With that said, I still think you are lying to us.

This chapter is a prime example. You are not cowed by the Dursleys; you feel free to bother your cousin in a perfect show of sibling rivalry; in fact, you act like a normal ten-year-old boy throughout the chapter. On the other hand, your aunt and uncle verbally abuse you; Dudley physically abuses you with the aid of his “gang”; and you have never received proper presents or clothing, while Dudley is spoiled. I must conclude that you are either understating your abuse or vastly exaggerating it.

The evidence mostly points in favor of the latter. It is easy to guess at your mistake: you are trying to gain sympathy from your father for the trials you have supposedly suffered, but you failed to appropriately modify your remembered behavior to match the situation. While I am willing to believe that your Muggle family did not treat you exactly like their son, I doubt the difference was so extreme.

The only evidence to suggest the abuse may be understated is the event of your accidental Apparition in the previous chapter. Apparition is rare for underage wizards and usually shows up only in times of extreme danger or significant abuse. It seems unlikely that you would know enough about such abuse to slip that in for evidence, yet not modify your behavior.

Ultimately, my conclusion in the case of your claimed abuse is that you were treated with some disdain by your Muggle family – enough to make you bitter, but not enough to qualify as abuse. The Apparition incident was likely either invented for amusement only, or a result of unusually threatening physical harm, perhaps from an older student or teacher, which you then altered to suggest further abuse from your cousin.

Now, the letters: This is another example of what I can only assume is exaggeration for entertainment value. You obviously know enough about the Marauders to guess that we would enjoy a funny tale, so you are attempting to establish a rapport. It isn’t working, by the way. We spend far too much time laughing at you. At any rate, it is patently ridiculous that Professor McGonagall would respond to your predicament by sending an influx of letters and simply hoping you would get hold of one of them. It seems you are about to get to the real matter with that chapter ending – that is, the arrival of a liaison to bring the letter and explain it to the Muggles. I can only assume the setting is false, however, since the letters were responsible for its taking place on a rock in the middle of nowhere. I will of course reserve final judgment on that point until I read the relevant scene.

Yours truly,

Mister Moony

Mister Wormtail

P.S. We apologize for Mister Moony. When we let him have this letter, we didn’t realize he would be writing an essay.

Mister Padfoot

Mister Prongs


	5. Letter 4: Good for a Laugh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The general consensus seems to be that your story is good for a laugh and not much else, and that Padfoot is far too self-absorbed to be strictly normal. Letters to Harry: 4/35.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do love comments. In fact, I have decided to start a new policy of reciprocal commenting, which means that in addition to my usual shoutouts to commenters on each new chapter, you will receive one comment from me for each time you submit one to a newly posted chapter or story. If you don't have anything for me to comment on (either because you haven't posted any stories or because I've commented on every story and chapter you have so far), I will find a random fic and submit a comment to that instead. Sound good?
> 
> Thanks to Heather (again) for the beta.

Dear “Harry,”

I don’t know who you really are – none of us do, whatever Moony’s decided to pretend – but you sure seem to know Hagrid. I can just see him doing all the stuff in this chapter. We all had a real laugh about Dudley and the pig’s tail, and it was quite satisfying to see Uncle Vernon insulted, even if it didn’t stop him from insulting Harry in turn.

You’ve got a good sense of humor, you know. On top of the bit with Hagrid, I’d like to say that I also enjoyed the snake’s escape in the zoo, which had Prongs going on for ten minutes about how his son couldn’t possibly be a Parselmouth, and Uncle Vernon’s increasing insanity concerning the letters. As if a Muggle could stop a letter from being delivered just by boarding up the door!

The others would like me to discuss some other aspects of the chapter. I’ll just quote them here.

Moony: “With the possible exception of the rifle, this could easily have taken place at the Dursleys’ home. The sea isn’t even specified by name, and seas generally do have names. I’m inclined to go with my previous assessment. The setting is made up, even if we assume the scene isn’t.”

Prongs: “This is ridiculous. How could Hagrid know he’s not getting his letters, but assume he knows about Hogwarts? Hagrid isn’t stupid. Why else would Harry’s aunt and uncle keep the letters from him, if it wasn’t to keep him from learning about the school?”

Padfoot: “Where exactly am I in all of this? We know I survived the war, since I let Hagrid borrow my motorcycle. Why couldn’t I pick Harry up and give him his letter?”

So now you know what we’re all thinking. The general consensus seems to be that your story is good for a laugh and not much else, and that Padfoot is far too self-absorbed to be strictly normal. Moony seems particularly offended by your inconsistent logic, so I think you can expect another (longer) essay next time he writes a letter.

Yours,

Mister Wormtail

Mister Moony

P.S. I am not self-absorbed.

Mister Padfoot

P.P.S. He definitely is.

Mister Prongs

P.P.P.S. If I couldn’t show up, you could at least have put in the motorbike. And I am NOT self-absorbed! -Padfoot


End file.
